I M WHO I M !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i m the most important person in my life !!!!!!
dun have to be good at something in order to be happy!
i believe i will find my passion! i m still young!!!!!one day i will find out my own strength.
right now i m uncertain about my future i guess it's normal!

Firstly,i should start building my confidence.
secondly,i cant be so pessimistic
thirdly,i ougth to trust! his sincerity really touched mi.these few days he has been super caring nice.

yet i m scared he will leave mi if i dun get better.




so happppy!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
he won the comp!champion!XD

right now i m happy.yet i m scared to be too happy i scared the next moment something will happen.it seems as though i got over it but have i?or izzit i m jus fooling myself again?can i really accept that he will be closer to his female friends? i reallly dunnno.

i know he doesnt like to be suspected.i guess the girl is really frustrated with mi and paranoid of mi kicking up a big fuss over it.but she doesnt understand it.i m not like her.no one understands mi.it's like a pattern.once a guy starts lying he will keep lying.i seem to trust him now but i dunno in the future.i really know u all are just friends.i really know.

i oso dun know why i think so much! AS IF I can control! what the fuck! when i get emo,i start to twist the facts.the counsellor understands it.she said it's natural.why cant anyone understand THIS!everyone else seem to think that it's my fault for thinking so much.i miss having true friends who understand.i miss gang.with them,i can put my worries aside.i love them.but not close to them le.i shall stop living in the past.AND MOVE ON!!!!!!

i dunno how long i will take to regain the trust in him.it's difficult.it's really.no one will understand.who likes suspecting who likes this feeling.it's because the trust is broken.

right now i wanna shift my focus.i used to think he's my only priority like he's the most important person.i cant change that thinking immediately.i will try to prioritise other things.wanna be closer to my friends.yet i dun think i can.dun feel close to my friends.no one likes mi de.i m a fool to think that im important to anyone.ahahhahaha!




HAIIIIYO!!!

i have to stop thinking too much i have better things to do!
i need to manage my stresss better!!!! study hard instead of worrying!

AFter so much that happened,the cause of everything is that i dun trust him!
WHAT the helll!!!!!!!!!!the trust is broken ever since.!!!!it's like the most important thing for a relationship TO LAST!!!!! so what if we are in the same school,i can lett him be let him talk to his friends.hahahahha.different school better though.i dun have to see it!!!!!!

he broke my heart it's time to start rrecovering!
somehow i feel that only when he's physically there for mi then i know he's there.if not NOOOO!
he cant be by my side emotionally coz coz coz he's jus like that! he cant feel for mi! i m not saying he has no feelings.just insensitive bahh!

anyway i should not add to his troubles.shall try to start to trust him! and dun treat him so nice.i've given up enough for him! i know love need not repaid but i cant help it.it's so tiring giving so much and getting nothing in return.FOR NOW! focuss on ur studies And table tennis.whether i m in the team not jus train hard! dear oso must study hard.we'll work hard together.

i will wait till the day when u have time for mi.after a div and alll.!then we study hard together!!!!!!!!jiayou kaihwee.u can wait u can do this.!!!!! DUN THINK SO MUcH dun think about that incident it will make u MORE Insecure and susspicious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i wanna trust him!




i tot i could get over it.but i still get so upset about it.

i still love him a lot.that's why he mean a lot.but who am i to him?i feel distant from him.one day i will become a stranger.

it's so sad that everything always turn out this way.i feel tterrible like my heart really hurt
whenever i lknow he doesnt miss mi or what.when i think that his friends are more important than mi! COME ON KAIHWEE WAKE UP HE DOESNT NEED YOU!

Saturday will no longer be the day that we spend our time together.he can study with his friends maybe he can concentrate better and be happier! i m jus nothing to him.jus an ordinary friend probably! HE"S SICK OF YOUU DON DESERVE A GUY TO LOVE YOU!!!!!! \
WHy would i expect a guy to love mi so MUCH! GO AND DIE ,kaihwee!

Hwee on 11:11 PM

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i wanna be there for him.i hope he will want mi to be there for hhhim.he's going through a difficult period of time.i will support whatever decision he made.his problem is my problem.i m willing to share his troubles.be his listening ear.i love him.

i need to focus on my studies.FOCUS! do i have a short attention span or izzit jus that the teachers are jus way too boring.BORING!
school sucks.the last place i wannbe is SChool! HELL!

i miss those days when he cares a lot about mi.i miss those days when he only wanna be with mi.i miss those days when he will call mi whenever he can.i miss those days when i can see that he truely loves mi.
There's no POINT in brooding over the past.i cant turn back time.it's time to face the reality and stop living in ur dreamland.life jus has to move on.

Next time i shall jus complain to this blog and not tell anyone else! STOP giving trouble to people,u freaking pathetic FOOL!

no one can help mi to get over that matter.i neeed to overcome it myself.i wanna change to become beetter and less dependent on People!

Hwee on 3:54 PM

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WHY he wants to involve him self in so many STUFFF!????? SGc so important meh! sigh! he alredi has no time for mi :( why he doesnt wanna spend more time with mi.when he join all the events has he ever spare a thought for mi.

Hwee on 10:19 PM

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econs test!chem test!
i was so paranoid and bad-tempered last few days coz of stress i gueesss. lack of sleep oso.even if i sleep i cant sleep well..
everything almost drove mi crazy.
now that it's over,i m kinda relieved.but it will start again next week.chem test maths test.this battle is never ending.

i feel pressurised during training.i m dreading A div.willl i be in the team not?i dun think i will be able to take the stress.haven been on form recently.i guess no one will be there for mi.everyone will be busy.who give a damn about mi?lol

i really hope that i can get over the matter.what's most impt is not to think so much bah. my thoughts always run wild.cant control.

i know i m less important to him now.he wont have time for mi.will his feelings for mi fade.he will be sick of my unreasonableness or jus simply sick of being with mi.will i be able to take this?i wanna remain important to him.once my importance to him decrease,i cant tolerate.he's veri impt to mi and that's the problem.

i know it's okay to tlk to classmates.to be closer to them and all.i envy him bah.

i envy those couples who are damn focused on their studies but sadly i cant.he distracts mi a lot especially when we quarrel it's almost impoosible to study. sigh i still remember when we quarrel last time,he doesnt react like how he does now.now is more bochap and let mi be that kinda attitude.cant be bothered with mi le.everything else is more important than mi.i jus have to get used to all these and not be possessive.i have to accept that he doesnt have time for mi!who am i ?NOTHING.

i cant manage my stress.i really hoope he will be there when i need him.but i shouldnt expect too much.i wanna be there for him as much as i can but i dunno what i can do for him when i m stressed too.i will end up giving him troubles.dun want to be his burden.dun wan him to not like me.


maybe i shall learn keep everything to myself can save some trouble for him and my friends.jiayou kaihwee.u've got to learn to focus on ur lousy studies! jiayou!

Hwee on 9:14 PM