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HAIIIIYO!!!
i have to stop thinking too much i have better things to do!
i need to manage my stresss better!!!! study hard instead of worrying!
AFter so much that happened,the cause of everything is that i dun trust him!
WHAT the helll!!!!!!!!!!the trust is broken ever since.!!!!it's like the most important thing for a relationship TO LAST!!!!! so what if we are in the same school,i can lett him be let him talk to his friends.hahahahha.different school better though.i dun have to see it!!!!!!
he broke my heart it's time to start rrecovering!
somehow i feel that only when he's physically there for mi then i know he's there.if not NOOOO!
he cant be by my side emotionally coz coz coz he's jus like that! he cant feel for mi! i m not saying he has no feelings.just insensitive bahh!
anyway i should not add to his troubles.shall try to start to trust him! and dun treat him so nice.i've given up enough for him! i know love need not repaid but i cant help it.it's so tiring giving so much and getting nothing in return.FOR NOW! focuss on ur studies And table tennis.whether i m in the team not jus train hard! dear oso must study hard.we'll work hard together.
i will wait till the day when u have time for mi.after a div and alll.!then we study hard together!!!!!!!!jiayou kaihwee.u can wait u can do this.!!!!! DUN THINK SO MUcH dun think about that incident it will make u MORE Insecure and susspicious!!!!!!!!!!!!!!i wanna trust him!
Hwee on 8:34 AM
i tot i could get over it.but i still get so upset about it.
i still love him a lot.that's why he mean a lot.but who am i to him?i feel distant from him.one day i will become a stranger.
it's so sad that everything always turn out this way.i feel tterrible like my heart really hurt
whenever i lknow he doesnt miss mi or what.when i think that his friends are more important than mi! COME ON KAIHWEE WAKE UP HE DOESNT NEED YOU!
Saturday will no longer be the day that we spend our time together.he can study with his friends maybe he can concentrate better and be happier! i m jus nothing to him.jus an ordinary friend probably! HE"S SICK OF YOU
WHy would i expect a guy to love mi so MUCH! GO AND DIE ,kaihwee!
Hwee on 11:11 PM
i wanna be there for him.i hope he will want mi to be there for hhhim.he's going through a difficult period of time.i will support whatever decision he made.his problem is my problem.i m willing to share his troubles.be his listening ear.i love him.
i need to focus on my studies.FOCUS! do i have a short attention span or izzit jus that the teachers are jus way too boring.BORING!
school sucks.the last place i wannbe is SChool! HELL!
i miss those days when he cares a lot about mi.i miss those days when he only wanna be with mi.i miss those days when he will call mi whenever he can.i miss those days when i can see that he truely loves mi.
There's no POINT in brooding over the past.i cant turn back time.it's time to face the reality and stop living in ur dreamland.life jus has to move on.
Next time i shall jus complain to this blog and not tell anyone else! STOP giving trouble to people,u freaking pathetic FOOL!
no one can help mi to get over that matter.i neeed to overcome it myself.i wanna change to become beetter and less dependent on People!
Hwee on 3:54 PM
WHY he wants to involve him self in so many STUFFF!????? SGc so important meh! sigh! he alredi has no time for mi :( why he doesnt wanna spend more time with mi.when he join all the events has he ever spare a thought for mi.
Hwee on 10:19 PM
econs test!chem test!
i was so paranoid and bad-tempered last few days coz of stress i gueesss. lack of sleep oso.even if i sleep i cant sleep well..
everything almost drove mi crazy.
now that it's over,i m kinda relieved.but it will start again next week.chem test maths test.this battle is never ending.
i feel pressurised during training.i m dreading A div.willl i be in the team not?i dun think i will be able to take the stress.haven been on form recently.i guess no one will be there for mi.everyone will be busy.who give a damn about mi?lol
i really hope that i can get over the matter.what's most impt is not to think so much bah. my thoughts always run wild.cant control.
i know i m less important to him now.he wont have time for mi.will his feelings for mi fade.he will be sick of my unreasonableness or jus simply sick of being with mi.will i be able to take this?i wanna remain important to him.once my importance to him decrease,i cant tolerate.he's veri impt to mi and that's the problem.
i know it's okay to tlk to classmates.to be closer to them and all.i envy him bah.
i envy those couples who are damn focused on their studies but sadly i cant.he distracts mi a lot especially when we quarrel it's almost impoosible to study. sigh i still remember when we quarrel last time,he doesnt react like how he does now.now is more bochap and let mi be that kinda attitude.cant be bothered with mi le.everything else is more important than mi.i jus have to get used to all these and not be possessive.i have to accept that he doesnt have time for mi!who am i ?NOTHING.
i cant manage my stress.i really hoope he will be there when i need him.but i shouldnt expect too much.i wanna be there for him as much as i can but i dunno what i can do for him when i m stressed too.i will end up giving him troubles.dun want to be his burden.dun wan him to not like me.
maybe i shall learn keep everything to myself can save some trouble for him and my friends.jiayou kaihwee.u've got to learn to focus on ur lousy studies! jiayou!
Hwee on 9:14 PM
a worthless piece of shit.
that's what i m.
i cant control my tears anymore! i have never cried in school before but when i enter JC,the tap just turn on by itself.
i jus feel lonely when i m with people in school.nobody is there for mi.everyone is so sick of hearing mi complain.
no one understands mi.
i jus need a warm hug from u and tell mi that everything will be alright.
a hug is more comforting than anything else.
i m feeling insecure whenever you're away from mi
seeing u talk happily with ur female friends makes mi feel more insecure
i never had such strong feelings before
but funny thing is las time i used to ask u to talk more to ur female classmates now that u're toking to them i m unhapppy.
i know it's pure friendship.but i dun want to be neglected again.
it hurts mi when it doesn seem to affect u anymore.some other matter affect you more than mi.what does it indicate?
i m no longer important.i m someone who needs you. i m jus a burden to u.
u assure mi than u love mi u care about mi but ur actions say otherwise. maybe u're sick of mi.
all i think is you.i cant concentrate on anything i know u can focus on the things u do.i guess i love you more than u do.
everything changed ever since that incident.i have become a stranger to myself.
i know u have no time for mi but i need a lot of attention from u .
it's true that the person u care most hurt u most.
My life is falling apart.be it my academics or love life.i hate changes made to my life
when can i take control of my own life.?
perhaps this relationship was a mistake from the start.i cant handle relationship.
same school makes everything worse. i have to face all this shit!
if i have a wish i would sleep till i m dead..and end all my misery.
There's another matter bothering m i in school.shall keep mum about it.
Hwee on 12:20 AM
the truth makes everything a lie.it's no longer the same as before.i wish nothing had happened but it all did.i know thinking about it too much will make me more sad.but somehow i cant help brooding over it. If only someone can help mi..
plus school's been streessful enough for mi.i cant afford to be distracted!i failed block test jus coz i fail GP.BLOODY U! so disapponting when i gave my parents my result slip!they knew i tried my best.they were very concerned and understanding.Jc is tough and i hope i can pull through this!
perhaps i m not mature enough to love someone.
Be strong,girl!
Hwee on 10:51 PM